You’re knee-deep in the months of budgeting, working out like a fiend, and negotiating with your mother. You’ve resolved not to turn into a bridezilla because you are not that kind of bride. You are a perfect angel who’s not asking for much: just a fairytale party that meets the fantastical expectations you’ve had since childhood. You’ll succeed for the most part at this, but underneath those layers of test makeup, you’re still human, and thus likely to commit these 10 bridal behaviors.
1. Consider Taking Out a Second Mortgage for the Dress of Your Dreams
You were warned not to try on a dress that was out of your price range, but you saw those layers of chiffon and that beading that was so unique and you just couldn’t resist—and now your days and nights are haunted with images of you walking down the aisle in a dress that’s (literally) suited for a princess. You guys don’t really need appetizers at your wedding, right? And flowers are so overrated.
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2. Wonder if You Can Get Away with Uninviting Your Mother from Your Wedding
Yes, you realize she gave you life and made you the person you are today, or whatever, but with every “family friend” she “asks” you to invite and every comment about how it’s “interesting” that your bridesmaids are showing so much skin, you have horrible fantasies about eloping or somehow letting Mom’s invite get lost in the mail.
3. Turn Your Bridesmaids into Your Servants
That DIY centerpiece looked so easy on Pinterest, but the reality is that you have way too much spray tanning and teeth whitening to do and thus do not have time to hot glue fake birds onto 23 mason jars. Luckily, you have a trusty group of beloved girlfriends who are there to do manual labor craft for you while you boss them around give them constructive criticism.
4. Invite People Because You’re Secretly Hoping They’ll Offer a Service You Can Use
Whittling down your list is so hard, and the final decision on who makes the cut depends on a number of factors—not least of which, if you’re honest, is whether one of your friends is an amazing photographer or has the voice of an angel. You’d feel worse if you weren’t paying $75 for their dinner.
5. Scour Your Fiancé’s Friends’ Instagram Accounts for Details on What Happened at the Bachelor Party
You said that you trusted him and just wanted him to have fun at his party, and you meant it…until visions of a woman named Fantasy giving him a lap dance went racing through your mind.
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6. Cheat…on Your Stupid Wedding Diet
The big day will come and go, but those photos are around forever, which is why you’ve committed to this amazing (torturous) miracle (idiotic) diet. Maybe you’d actually be able to subsist on quinoa and kale if you weren’t dealing with an endless list of flaky caterers and friends who still haven’t RSVP’d and OMG someone give you a cookie, like, yesterday.
7. Go Back and Forth over Whether You Will Change Your Last Name
His last name is okay…for something that sounds like a rare kind of fungus. You want to have the same name as your kids someday, though, so you’ll probably take it. Or maybe you should hyphenate? Regardless of what you decide, you’ll have long conversations with multiple girlfriends before ever bringing it up with him.
8. Be Perpetually Disappointed in One of Your Bridesmaids
It’s hard to believe right now, but there was a time in your life when this wedding wasn’t all you could think about. Back in those days, when you were called to duty as a bridesmaid, you swore that when it was your turn, you wouldn’t freak out over everyone attending every single event. And yet, here you are, furiously explaining to your sister that her selfish decision to go to the ER on the day of your shower is making you question her love for you.
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9. Be Truly Horrified by Some of the Presents You Receive
It’s the thought that counts—unless that thought is, “this couple definitely needs a bright orange crocheted tea cosy.” You’re very grateful for every gift you guys get (that’s your official stance anyway), but for the life of you, you can’t remember registering at the flea market.
10. Make the Secret Executive Decision to Wear Hair and Eyelash Extensions for the Rest of Your Life
Yes, you said you were going to get them “just for the wedding,” and you meant it— but after spending one day running errands with your all-false-everything, you’ve gotten a taste of what it feels like to look like a pop star. And you’re never going to give it up. You’ll figure out that whole “find time and money to go to a salon every week” thing as soon as you get your seating plan done.
All gifs courtesy of giphy.com
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